A moment on your lips, a lifetime on your hips

So, we're a week into 2011 now, which means most people's resolutions have probably already been broken, modified, or completely thrown out the window. It's sad, isn't it? Every single year, millions of people start the new year off feeling so hopeful, so determined, so motivated, swearing to themselves that this year is going to be different. Often, they set unrealistic goals and expectations, which undeniably leads to failure, which then leads to people feeling even worse about themselves than they did before. Why do we do this? I understand that the beginning of a new year represents a clean slate, a fresh start. I like the idea of kicking it off the "right" way, which often means vowing to be a better person than you were last year. What I have come to learn is that setting the bar too high (which is done more often than not) always ends with self loathing. And when a resolution is broken, the need and drive to do what we said we wouldn't do kicks into high gear, and we end up binging on it. For example, I have a friend who attempts to quit smoking every time January 1st hits. When she cheats, she ends up going out, buying a pack, and basically chain smoking because "what's the point now?". Someone who swears off chocolate completely and then cheats and eats a Mars bar will most likely feel so downright crappy about it that they will eat even more chocolate than they ever did before they made that damn resolution.

Setting ourselves up for failure is only going to make things worse. New Years day is not some magical occurrence that will fire us up with an extra supply of willpower for the year, or the ability to shut off the receptors in our brains that probe us to engage in the bad habits we long to give up. It's a day. I agree that new years resolutions are a good thing, but I don't think they need to be insane. Someone who swears left, right, and center should not resolve to stop swearing. Seriously, you'll have broken that within a day or two, maybe even hours. Someone who eats at McDonald's every day shouldn't completely cut out that indulgence, because once they slip up and get a Big Mac, they're going to feel so low that they'll probably say "What the hell...I failed, so I might as well order another." This is not healthy, mentally or physically. These good intentioned resolutions are worse for us than just continuing with our vices. I speak for the majority here, not everyone. Some people actually do stick to the high expectations they set for themselves for the new year...but most people don't.

As someone who used to smoke, and who tried and failed to quit multiple times before eventually succeeding, my recommendation is to take baby steps. Set achievable goals for yourself. A person who never exercises shouldn't promise themselves that this year, they're going to go to the gym six days a week. First off, they would hate it, and secondly, what if they only went five days? While this is something they should feel good about (five days at the gym in a week is definitely something to celebrate), they have already broken their promise and will probably focus on the fact that they missed a day. Might as well skip tomorrow...and the next day...and the day after that...and the day after that...does anyone want to buy my gym membership? So what about saying "I am going to start going to the gym this year." Great! Even if you go once every two weeks, you're still going, you're still doing something good for yourself, and you're still sticking with your resolution. If you're a chocolate fiend like I am, don't tell yourself you're going to stop eating it...because you're not. However, you can cut back, or put some sort of condition on your chocolate-eating behaviour. Maybe only have two chocolate bars a week, or tell yourself you can only eat chocolate if your house is clean, or pay all your bills on time, or you've gone out of your way to do something nice for someone. These are things that you can accomplish and that will eventually help you get to where you want to be. They also provide motivation to improve other areas of your life (like keeping a clean house). But trying to do everything at once is just...well...stupid. Like I said, I tried and failed and tried and failed to quit smoking. Eventually, I decided I would just cut back. I limited the amount of cigarettes I could smoke a day. Once I became comfortable with this amount, I would cut one out. Gradually, I made my way down to two per day, and continued with this until one day, I felt I didn't need them anymore. I have not so much as had one puff of a cigarette in over three years. Yay me! While my methods may not work for everyone ("AH! I ate Smarties and my house is a disaster...I hate myself!"), I think my point applies to pretty much everyone- stop trying to be a superhero. Don't set yourself up for failure. Set goals you can achieve without killing yourself. That is all.

Happy 2011, all!